utterly bewildering

today was exhilarating.
i went to the most beautiful place in the world--giverny, france.
i visited monet's home and gardens.




then, on the way home, the metro driver caught my eye and invited me to ride up front with him.
me--on the metro with the driver. that's right... crazy awesome!

... but he was bummed when i said i couldn't go out with him.

textual relations

and THIS is why she is my best friend.

maxwell's silver hammer

this summer was my first time firing a shotgun. it turns out i was a pretty good shot. i hit almost all the clay pigeons... but the first time was scary. i didn't expect it to kick back like a horse.

and now drew has posted it on youtube for all the world to see. i'm famous!

women and men

dear readers,

today, a frenchman told me i have magnificent breasts.

love, camille.

nothing in this world

so, i'm living in paris. in this house.

and it's all pretty surreal.

jack's obsession

an ode

to my summer love

this summer was lame, to be quite frank.

i worked every day to fill up my bank.

to get to france, i needed the cash,

but just like that it was gone in a flash.

i've paid off the trip and i leave in a week,

but i'm leaving a love of whom i should speak.

this summer i had a passionate affair,

romeo's love can't even compare.

many a night i spent with my friend,

oh, the magical evenings and hours we'd spend!

you treated me with great love like a mother's,

so here's to you, super smash brothers!

i mastered your arts. i became quite a pro.

i can defeat opponents with one mighty blow.

pikachu and i fought many a war,

i pressed buttons until my thumbs were all sore.

three cheers for game cube, nintendo and such!

i'm leaving quite soon and i'll miss you too much.

words

words i have heard far too much lately:

1. marriage/married.

how about no one gets married ever again? i vote yes on that one.

2. bolus.

i'm pretty sure you don't want to hear the reason behind this one.

3. poor.

i am going to france one week from today. i will stay there until december 7th. i just finished paying off the program expenses. thus, i am currently poor and i will be even more poor when i return.

4. jon gosselin.

why? whyyyy? i hate the fact that this man is famous for nothing. i hate him. i hate "jon & kate plus 8." i hate everything! i swear. every news story on google news includes this chump.

5. H1N1.

it was so much better when it was called the swine. "ack! i've got the swine!"

suddenly i see

today i went to the optometrist to get my glasses repaired.

i LOVE my glasses. they are black with little green x's on the side. i call them my Xbox glasses.

sadly, my glasses acquired a spiderweb-like crack after a trip to idaho last month.

(fact#1: polycarbonate lenses get cracks when sprayed with hair spray. or in my case, perfume. i learned a valuable lesson. pack eye glasses in a case!)

while i was waiting for my frames to get new lenses, i read a rather amusing reader's digest.

this particular issue bore the headline, "in search of the world's best joke." my favorite joke was from norway. those norwegians and i have the same sense of humor.

A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie. “You’re a kind lady, so I’ll grant you one wish,” the genie tells her. “See this cat? I’d rather have a strong, handsome man,” she says. The genie agrees and—poof!—the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap. “Do you have anything to say before we make love?” she asks. “Yes,” he says. “I bet you wish you hadn’t had me neutered last week.”

(fact #2: reader's digest also taught me that a certain trapdoor spider species discovered in california was named after stephen colbert. the Aptostichus stephencolberti. ha.)