across the universe

working in the library definitely has its perks: use of the copy machine, access to the secret library door, and most of all, looking at all the awesome and crazy books that come through the circulation desk.
here are a few of my favorites:
homosexual behavior in animals: an evolutionary perspective (can you believe it's $150 on amazon?!)
the chick is in the mail (the ugliest cover for a trashy fantasy novel)
the fragrance of her name (just scroll down and read the "product description." HAH)

during the past 19 hours i have come across a plethora of heinous novel covers. two of these include the trashiest fantasy novel covers known to man (more so, possibly, than the chick is in the mail).

trashy cover #1: sword-dancer by jennifer roberson

can you say, "innuendo?" the last time i checked, glowing swords that are inches away from a girl's crotch can only mean one thing.

trashy cover #2: damia by anne mccaffrey

so this image on the left was the best picture i could find to show the detail. let's list the delightful, awful qualities of this novel.
>umm... pet raccoon?
>damia is lucky enough to sit on the surface of a planet in outer space on a stone throne. (hey, that rhymes!)
>creepy man shadow in the background. it's a bit awkward that his eye perfectly fits in the "D."
>damia's pseudo-spiderwoman tights.

but the BEST part of this cover is actually missing. the cover we have in the library is a different edition, and it looks like this one below to the right: (sorry it's small)

props to the cover artists for changing the lettering style of "damia." it looks a lot better in this red, aladdin-type lettering.

anyway, the BEST part that i was referring to is the text in the lower left hand corner. it reads:
"kids, cats, and telepathic... heartwarming."

if that isn't the greatest book review you've ever heard, then slap me twice.

death on two legs

oh phone, how i despise thee!

thy lack of ringing causes lateness to work.
you fall on the ground and get scratched, you jerk.
thy screen is tiny.
thine ringtones are whiny.
you shall be replaced!
i have been disgraced!
i set your alarm every night with great care,
but by morn' you don't ring. how could you dare?
to the depths with thee and thy samsung name!
it is thee, and thee alone that i must blame.

i hate thee with the passion of a thousand nuns.

thy execution is set: today is the date.
i'll buy an alarm clock. i hear they work great.

children of the revolution

the following is a rather amusing texting conversation i had with the 14 year-old brother (who, for my purposes i shall refer to as "child") of my roommate. we joke of our imminent marriage, which is rather amusing since i am considerably older and dating someone else (who, unlike "child," is old enough that it is legal. i shall call legal boy "bruce wayne"). if it makes the story any better, i just learned that today is child's 14 and a half birthday.

camille: child! i'm so glad i'm going to be married to a state swimmer.
child: aw stop your making me blush! :-">
but you will have to get rid of bruce wayne first, cause he's kinda crampin' my style. and also, i'm not really going for a bigamist marriage.
camille: hm. i think we can make this work. bruce wayne gets weekends.
child: no exceptable, maybe he can have half of every other monday in leap year
camille: that's it. we're through. i'll never forget all the amazing times we had together. farewell, child. my love for you will melt with the snow of spring...
child: wait this will work he can have the second tuesday of every week! and i can also sacrifice the 32nd day of every week!
camille: i'll think about it. g'night, swimmer man.
child: i bid thee good night my fair maiden for when the morrow comes i shall see you again!

"no exceptable." that's my favorite part.

congrats bruce wayne, you win.

always on my mind

i

can not

sleep.

anyone know how to hypnotize?